Everyone Can't Be Skinny


People say it all the time - "I've struggled with weight all my life".  

That's my story too.  As a child, I was aware that my body was not the ideal sought after form.  When I was thirteen I fell in puppy love with a boy and lost my appetite for months.  When I visited home from boarding school, my grandmother was alarmed at how slim I was.  She did not like my new body at all and encouraged me to "eat".  I don't think I realized just how much weight I'd lost, and thinking back, that was probably the lowest weight I've been my entire life.  

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I'm forty-eight now and the heaviest I've ever been.  My daughter jokes that I always say that but whenever I look at pictures of myself a year later I always say how much slimmer I looked.  The fact is, I struggle with weight. And although I'm happily married and not tormenting myself about my weight because I'm single and need to be pleasing to potential mates, it's the only personal struggle that I haven't been able to overcome.  I've returned to school after children and challenges and earned two degrees, I've found a second life partner after painful loss, and I've climbed the career ladder to a level where I am proud and where I can envision future success.  And although I don't hate myself because of my weight and sometimes I even get a reminder that I am still sexy when a stranger stops me in the street and asks for my number, I feel defeated by weight loss because I can feel another person inside of me who is slender and athletic and who drinks green smoothies and doesn't eat processed food and who isn't embarrassed to be in a swimsuit.  

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Yes, people who have struggled with weight their entire life likely aren't meant to be skinny, but the act of maintaining a balance between an unhealthy obsession with being thin and losing control of weight gain has a lot to do with a stable mental state.  So I am embarking on this road again, hopefully for the last time.  And though life is hectic at times and even though just last week I found myself stress eating cheesy nachos and barbecue chips - together -  I feel it's time to try once again to get my weight to a place where I feel like I'm in control.  Not skinny, but comfortable in my skin.

Stay tuned for regular updates about my weight loss journey!


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